magedragonfire: (Default)
So I had a craving for lemon meringue pie tonight.

No biggie. It's not a hard pie to make, other than watching to make sure that the lemon doesn't scorch. I've made it dozens of times.

My first mistake occured when I used the wrong pie plate - it is impossible to weigh down the pie dough in it with anything we have in the kitchen (the glass pie plate, however, can fit the first pie plate inside of it, thus providing a nice weight). This resulted in my first crust turning out with shrunken sides and a huge pitched tent-bubble in the middle. Oh well, says I. I made two pie crusts, since that is what my recipe makes. I pull out the other from the freezer, roll it out quick, throw it in the oven on the glass pie plate. Problem solved.

My second mistake occured when I went to do the lemon. I have no idea how, but the damn stuff boiled too fast, and somehow I ended up with scorching. Just a little. I turn down the heat and start to let it simmer, but sure enough, it doesn't simmer, just keeps boiling. I end up with more scorching. I lift the whole mess off of the stove, and remove it to the nearby open window (the oven had been smoking a little when doing the crust; just old burned-on residue, but it was kinda hazy so I'd opened the window earlier). By the time it is done boiling, the bright cheery lemon has turned into a rather disgusting diarrhea-coloured concoction, and you can vaguely taste burnt in it. Pfeh. Oh well. There's no more eggs, so nothing can be done about it. It's not that bad. I pour it into the crust.

The meringue, thankfully, turns out fine. It gets slathered onto the pie, and shoved into the oven to bake the meringue.

When I take the pie out - with the meringue all nice and goldeny, and covering up the terrible colour of the lemon - I set it down on the stove, and go into the den to chat to Trav a bit.

Some few minutes later, I smell burning. Odd, that. I turned the oven off when I took the pie out. Meanwhile, it gets stronger - and very vile-smelling - while I'm contemplating this. Rush out to the kitchen. Shit. The pie's smoking for some reason. Oh, shit. I had set it on the burner that I'd made the lemon on. Oh, shit shit shit, the burner's still on.

I rush over, remove the pie to another - cold - burner, turn the burner off, flip on the oven fan, and examine the pie. It was smoking pretty badly, the bottom of the pie was blackened, and it smelled something terrible.

I then remember that the Pyrex used in baking dishes is not heat-proof.

Run.

Just as I get to the outer edge of the kitchen, where it meets the family room, and turn around, the whole thing explodes. Literally. There were shards of glass flying four metres in the air.

When my brains get back in my head, I note the huge mess of glass everywhere, and the pie, the poor pie, collapsed into a huge pile of glop on the stove.

Goddamnit. All I wanted was some goddamn lemon pie, and I ended up with a kitchen full of vile-smelling smoke, glass, and pieglobs, I lost my favorite pie-plate, and nearly avoided getting pumped full of tiny-to-large pieces of glass.

And I get no fucking pie.

Bah!

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magedragonfire

June 2014

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