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Five colours, five faces, five Dragons.
Nov. 10th, 2003 02:06 pmYayhoo. In an effort to continue putting off my essay ('though I think I actually have a topic now! XD), I shall now relate to you, my beloved readers, what the hell I was talking about yesterday with Moonchaser and Rydia. It's something that's kinda been gnawing on my brain over the past week or so, an interesting little character study of myself, that picks apart the different facets of myself. Not really of interest to anyone in particular, but I find it interesting how these facets choose to show themselves - both in life and in my characters.
First Face - Black, Lone, Epitaph - A face that has been 'default' for nearly all of my life. Like the dark wolf Epitaph, I tend to become extremely quiet, antisocial, and keep to myself when this face overcomes me. Years of unacceptance by normality do that to a person. This face has its benefits, though - although I don't speak much, I usually manage to hear about everything going on around me by the virtue of people not noticing I'm there, or not caring as they know I won't speak about their secrets. Good for therapeutic uses on friends sometimes.
This shows most prominantly in Epitaph - she's almost exactly like me this way - but also shows up in my dragonriders, J'kan and D'sen, loners who seek to stay away, for the most part, from other people. Interesting how they both ride black-varient dragons.
Second Face - Blue, Good, Larksong - A face that rarely shows itself to other people, but exists much of the time when I'm alone. Consider yourself lucky to ever catch me like this - it dun happen very often. This is my 'dreamer' face, a time when I tend to get quite happy and at peace with the world, and resultingly 'girly'. Fear it as thus. Although I love my ability to dream (and be sensitive and caring at times), I don't really enjoy showing it out to other people, for some reason. *shrug*
Larksong, the healer, is the best/worst case of this face - everything sugary and kind about me rolled into one. Elluria the acolyte and Kyra, Celes, and S'rin (all dragonriders) also tend to reflect this rather heavily - with their own quirks, of course.
Third Face - Red, Chaotic, Frostheart - If you can't guess from the descriptor, this is one face that you don't want to be around me in. Thankfully, it surfaces in extremes even less than the second, but when it does - ouch. I'm tempermental, sometimes violent, generally always plotting about something in a bad way, unpredictable, and usually caught into a black rage when I get like this - and those who cross my path best get the hell out of my way, or I very quickly live up to my designation of 'dragon' and start tearing things apart, emotionally and/or physically.
Frostheart, and even Moonchaser's bloodwrath side, are perfect embodiments of this - dark, deceiving, and ruthless. Other characters, such as Lumine, Faralay and R'den, my 'asshole'/chaotic dragonriders, get their personalities straight from here. None are nice characters at all - as those who have played with them know. ^^;
Fourth Face - Green, Neutral, Rydia - A face that rarely showed itself before last year - and then only started developing outside of the characters that I created with it. This side of me I used to keep repressed, behind the 'wall' of the first face, at all times in life; there was just too much potential to severely be hurt emotionally (again) with it. Coming out occasionally online, and then materializing into dear ol' Rena Aislinn two or so years ago, this green side of me has finally blossomed, and for all the better - 'tis the part of me that contains the most potential for fun, after all! Last year, the first tendrils of this face shot forth, and they've grown like weeds over the summer. There's a certain amount of chaos here, too - mostly in the form of a good kind of unpredictability. I could be extremely social (*gasp!*), rather inane and silly, somewhat crazy, and even - dare it be known? - flirtatious when this side makes its presence known.
This is the face that materializes in my most favourite characters - Rydia, both dragonrider and fox/kitsune-furre forms, Rena Aislinn (although, related to Rydia in the world of Pern - so similar they are, and I didn't realize 'til a year after I created Ry! ^^;), Moonchaser the wolf, and so on. All are happy-go-lucky, lighthearted, quite social, and apt for bouts of insane-giddy-craziness a lot of the time. ^^;
Fifth Face - White, Whole, Dragonfire - The face that I aspire to, sometimes make it close to being, but have never quite reached yet. It exists - I know it, else Dragonfire herself wouldn't exist, but it's buried deep someplace inside myself. The most difficult face to describe, and thus, I won't even bother really trying, aside to say that it represents the unification of my different faces, someone who isn't afraid to be all that she is, all at once; a harmony of voices.
To achieve this, I think, is one thing that I dream most of. I've splintered parts of myself off so much over my life, and I know that there's more splicing to do yet, before the whole can heal.
But that's enough philosophy and inner soul-searching for today. 3 o'clock... I really should start my essay now. ^^;;;
First Face - Black, Lone, Epitaph - A face that has been 'default' for nearly all of my life. Like the dark wolf Epitaph, I tend to become extremely quiet, antisocial, and keep to myself when this face overcomes me. Years of unacceptance by normality do that to a person. This face has its benefits, though - although I don't speak much, I usually manage to hear about everything going on around me by the virtue of people not noticing I'm there, or not caring as they know I won't speak about their secrets. Good for therapeutic uses on friends sometimes.
This shows most prominantly in Epitaph - she's almost exactly like me this way - but also shows up in my dragonriders, J'kan and D'sen, loners who seek to stay away, for the most part, from other people. Interesting how they both ride black-varient dragons.
Second Face - Blue, Good, Larksong - A face that rarely shows itself to other people, but exists much of the time when I'm alone. Consider yourself lucky to ever catch me like this - it dun happen very often. This is my 'dreamer' face, a time when I tend to get quite happy and at peace with the world, and resultingly 'girly'. Fear it as thus. Although I love my ability to dream (and be sensitive and caring at times), I don't really enjoy showing it out to other people, for some reason. *shrug*
Larksong, the healer, is the best/worst case of this face - everything sugary and kind about me rolled into one. Elluria the acolyte and Kyra, Celes, and S'rin (all dragonriders) also tend to reflect this rather heavily - with their own quirks, of course.
Third Face - Red, Chaotic, Frostheart - If you can't guess from the descriptor, this is one face that you don't want to be around me in. Thankfully, it surfaces in extremes even less than the second, but when it does - ouch. I'm tempermental, sometimes violent, generally always plotting about something in a bad way, unpredictable, and usually caught into a black rage when I get like this - and those who cross my path best get the hell out of my way, or I very quickly live up to my designation of 'dragon' and start tearing things apart, emotionally and/or physically.
Frostheart, and even Moonchaser's bloodwrath side, are perfect embodiments of this - dark, deceiving, and ruthless. Other characters, such as Lumine, Faralay and R'den, my 'asshole'/chaotic dragonriders, get their personalities straight from here. None are nice characters at all - as those who have played with them know. ^^;
Fourth Face - Green, Neutral, Rydia - A face that rarely showed itself before last year - and then only started developing outside of the characters that I created with it. This side of me I used to keep repressed, behind the 'wall' of the first face, at all times in life; there was just too much potential to severely be hurt emotionally (again) with it. Coming out occasionally online, and then materializing into dear ol' Rena Aislinn two or so years ago, this green side of me has finally blossomed, and for all the better - 'tis the part of me that contains the most potential for fun, after all! Last year, the first tendrils of this face shot forth, and they've grown like weeds over the summer. There's a certain amount of chaos here, too - mostly in the form of a good kind of unpredictability. I could be extremely social (*gasp!*), rather inane and silly, somewhat crazy, and even - dare it be known? - flirtatious when this side makes its presence known.
This is the face that materializes in my most favourite characters - Rydia, both dragonrider and fox/kitsune-furre forms, Rena Aislinn (although, related to Rydia in the world of Pern - so similar they are, and I didn't realize 'til a year after I created Ry! ^^;), Moonchaser the wolf, and so on. All are happy-go-lucky, lighthearted, quite social, and apt for bouts of insane-giddy-craziness a lot of the time. ^^;
Fifth Face - White, Whole, Dragonfire - The face that I aspire to, sometimes make it close to being, but have never quite reached yet. It exists - I know it, else Dragonfire herself wouldn't exist, but it's buried deep someplace inside myself. The most difficult face to describe, and thus, I won't even bother really trying, aside to say that it represents the unification of my different faces, someone who isn't afraid to be all that she is, all at once; a harmony of voices.
To achieve this, I think, is one thing that I dream most of. I've splintered parts of myself off so much over my life, and I know that there's more splicing to do yet, before the whole can heal.
But that's enough philosophy and inner soul-searching for today. 3 o'clock... I really should start my essay now. ^^;;;
