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Well, my work at the clinic's been over and done with for a little over two weeks, now. I can say that I definitely feel less stressed because of the lack of DRAMUH there. This is a good thing. Joy sent me an e-mail about something or other, but I'm just going to ignore it until someone actually calls (after all, she sent it to my school account, which I rarely check, hehe). Hoping they'll figure out how to do it themselves, whatever it is that they wanted.
Thus, for the past couple, I've been winding down, working on a few things (gluing my dragon-puzzle to a board, needlepoint, etc), looking for a new job, getting my myriad cavities filled (all done now) and hanging out at a cabin with Trav and his folks on the weekends.
The job search has been a little frustrating. I've sent out around ten resumes to various places, and haven't even had a bite. I know that may sound tiny, but in the last few searches I only had to send out a couple before I got calls back, and now I've got even more experience. I worry that that's the problem, actually; I've got my fancy-pants office-work on the resume when I've been looking for retail jobs, and places are put off by it and think that I can't possibly be actually looking for something. That's the only thing that I can use to explain it, really, because I've got no idea how I could be underqualified for another retail job.
That, coupled with the fact that just about all the jobs in the paper are either asking for qualifications I don't have, or are located way too far away (me being without a car), has made things a little teeth-gnashing. I don't get it. Shouldn't the kids be going back to school? Shouldn't there be openings just about everywhere in the mall? Sigh.
The weekends have been nice, at least, being up at the Kamloops-cabin. Had fun, went swimming, went for a little putt around the lake a couple of times in a rowboat-turned-very-slow-motorboat (XD), watched people go tubing and wakeboarding in the big boat... I even caught a little lake trout! He was only about 10 inches long, but still~ Hooked him through the eye, poor bastard, and when we got him unhooked we took the eye with the hook. I was going to throw him back in, but after that, it seemed kinda pointless, so I took him back and we had him for breakfast one day. XD I didn't like him too much; kinda earthy for a fish, but Trav says he was good, so.
Aside from sleeping on hard dirt/roots/rocks and getting lake itch when I went swimming two days ago (still itches like a bitch, rawr), it was relaxing and fun and stuff. The only real problem was with everyone trying to bug me to go wakeboarding/tubing/whatever.
I have a serious fear of deep water - even boats are a little too much for me at times and I find myself clinging to the nearest clingable surface and praying that it won't tip over. I almost drowned when I was little, falling off of the edge of a dock and sinking down, unable to get back up again. No one noticed, and I probably would have bit it had my dad not just happened to look down and see me under there, staring up at him. I don't remember it happening as I was only two or so at the time, but it seems to be the most likely explanation as to why I'm so terrified of water over my head - subconsciously, I recall it, and said subconscious screams at me whenever I get near the H2O (even electronically; I have a horrid track record with video games that feature water exploration levels - see LoZ: OoT and MM water temples, Mario 64's water levels, the Banjo-Kazooie level with that terrible shark robot thing, etc. It takes me ages to get through these levels because I literally have to sit back and tell myself that it's only a game and there's no reason to be scared, repeatedly, before I can dive anywhere).
I can swim. I was the fastest goddamn front-crawler in any of the swimming classes I took - could put my face in the water as long as I had my goggles and could see the bottom. Wouldn't jump in, though, if it meant my head going underwater. Absolutely refused to dive, and doing a forwards roll into the water terrified me - this led to me never getting past the sixth level. Oh well. I can keep myself afloat and move around and such once I'm in the drink.
I'm scared shitless of being thrown or dropped or falling into water, though. I have dragged people over twice my size into the water before, when they tried to throw me in - I will grab onto whatever I can reach, and not let go. Prying me off is not an option. This has led to the guilty party overbalancing and falling in themselves, me going with them; I still distrust the uncle of mine who managed to pull me in when I was six.
I did go tubing once. I was terrified the entire time that I would end up being tossed out or falling in. I didn't, only because of yonder grip on the tube (and thus, later that night, didn't have the strength in my arms to raise food to my mouth). No one thought to give me the signal to end the ride, so I had no choice but to hang on and hope that it would end. And that was apparently an easy ride. I haven't, needless to say, gone again. Anything that involves me being pulled behind a boat only to fall into water does not sound like fun times to me - hence, I have not been wakeboarding/skiing/whatever.
But Trav's relatives did not know of my fear up until Sunday evening, and thus pestered me to try one of the above. Well, whatever. I just always declined, even when they teased me about it. I had thought that my hesitation would be enough to have them stop bothering me eventually, thought they might've figured out that I was scared, but that wasn't so. I really should stop assuming. Hopefully, now that they know, they'll leave me alone about it.
Trav knew about the fear, though, and still pestered me about it. And that's what bothers me - I can't ever tell when he's joking or not about it. He sometimes seems impatient with me when I tell him no. That makes me even more afraid, that he'll leave me about it because he'll see it as me being childish, not facing my fears, etc. I face fears when it's necessary to, when I know better, when I know I need to do something because otherwise it'll end up worse. It just usually takes me a little while to get used to the idea, but I always end up doing the whatever somehow.
But I don't see the point over facing a huge fear when it's supposed to be something you do for fun. I don't find being scared out of your mind fun. I find it horrible. And yes, I can be goaded into some things if someone calls me a wimp! But this fear of water goes above and beyond that, and I don't care what anyone thinks of me if I don't want to do something that involves it!
You don't tell a person who's scared of rodents to go walk into a room where they cover the floor. You don't ask someone who you know is afraid of heights to go skydiving. You don't ask me to get behind a boat and get pulled at speed over water.
...Or pet a spider, either.
...Damn. I didn't really mean for this to be turned into a rant about that.
Ah well.
Thus, for the past couple, I've been winding down, working on a few things (gluing my dragon-puzzle to a board, needlepoint, etc), looking for a new job, getting my myriad cavities filled (all done now) and hanging out at a cabin with Trav and his folks on the weekends.
The job search has been a little frustrating. I've sent out around ten resumes to various places, and haven't even had a bite. I know that may sound tiny, but in the last few searches I only had to send out a couple before I got calls back, and now I've got even more experience. I worry that that's the problem, actually; I've got my fancy-pants office-work on the resume when I've been looking for retail jobs, and places are put off by it and think that I can't possibly be actually looking for something. That's the only thing that I can use to explain it, really, because I've got no idea how I could be underqualified for another retail job.
That, coupled with the fact that just about all the jobs in the paper are either asking for qualifications I don't have, or are located way too far away (me being without a car), has made things a little teeth-gnashing. I don't get it. Shouldn't the kids be going back to school? Shouldn't there be openings just about everywhere in the mall? Sigh.
The weekends have been nice, at least, being up at the Kamloops-cabin. Had fun, went swimming, went for a little putt around the lake a couple of times in a rowboat-turned-very-slow-motorboat (XD), watched people go tubing and wakeboarding in the big boat... I even caught a little lake trout! He was only about 10 inches long, but still~ Hooked him through the eye, poor bastard, and when we got him unhooked we took the eye with the hook. I was going to throw him back in, but after that, it seemed kinda pointless, so I took him back and we had him for breakfast one day. XD I didn't like him too much; kinda earthy for a fish, but Trav says he was good, so.
Aside from sleeping on hard dirt/roots/rocks and getting lake itch when I went swimming two days ago (still itches like a bitch, rawr), it was relaxing and fun and stuff. The only real problem was with everyone trying to bug me to go wakeboarding/tubing/whatever.
I have a serious fear of deep water - even boats are a little too much for me at times and I find myself clinging to the nearest clingable surface and praying that it won't tip over. I almost drowned when I was little, falling off of the edge of a dock and sinking down, unable to get back up again. No one noticed, and I probably would have bit it had my dad not just happened to look down and see me under there, staring up at him. I don't remember it happening as I was only two or so at the time, but it seems to be the most likely explanation as to why I'm so terrified of water over my head - subconsciously, I recall it, and said subconscious screams at me whenever I get near the H2O (even electronically; I have a horrid track record with video games that feature water exploration levels - see LoZ: OoT and MM water temples, Mario 64's water levels, the Banjo-Kazooie level with that terrible shark robot thing, etc. It takes me ages to get through these levels because I literally have to sit back and tell myself that it's only a game and there's no reason to be scared, repeatedly, before I can dive anywhere).
I can swim. I was the fastest goddamn front-crawler in any of the swimming classes I took - could put my face in the water as long as I had my goggles and could see the bottom. Wouldn't jump in, though, if it meant my head going underwater. Absolutely refused to dive, and doing a forwards roll into the water terrified me - this led to me never getting past the sixth level. Oh well. I can keep myself afloat and move around and such once I'm in the drink.
I'm scared shitless of being thrown or dropped or falling into water, though. I have dragged people over twice my size into the water before, when they tried to throw me in - I will grab onto whatever I can reach, and not let go. Prying me off is not an option. This has led to the guilty party overbalancing and falling in themselves, me going with them; I still distrust the uncle of mine who managed to pull me in when I was six.
I did go tubing once. I was terrified the entire time that I would end up being tossed out or falling in. I didn't, only because of yonder grip on the tube (and thus, later that night, didn't have the strength in my arms to raise food to my mouth). No one thought to give me the signal to end the ride, so I had no choice but to hang on and hope that it would end. And that was apparently an easy ride. I haven't, needless to say, gone again. Anything that involves me being pulled behind a boat only to fall into water does not sound like fun times to me - hence, I have not been wakeboarding/skiing/whatever.
But Trav's relatives did not know of my fear up until Sunday evening, and thus pestered me to try one of the above. Well, whatever. I just always declined, even when they teased me about it. I had thought that my hesitation would be enough to have them stop bothering me eventually, thought they might've figured out that I was scared, but that wasn't so. I really should stop assuming. Hopefully, now that they know, they'll leave me alone about it.
Trav knew about the fear, though, and still pestered me about it. And that's what bothers me - I can't ever tell when he's joking or not about it. He sometimes seems impatient with me when I tell him no. That makes me even more afraid, that he'll leave me about it because he'll see it as me being childish, not facing my fears, etc. I face fears when it's necessary to, when I know better, when I know I need to do something because otherwise it'll end up worse. It just usually takes me a little while to get used to the idea, but I always end up doing the whatever somehow.
But I don't see the point over facing a huge fear when it's supposed to be something you do for fun. I don't find being scared out of your mind fun. I find it horrible. And yes, I can be goaded into some things if someone calls me a wimp! But this fear of water goes above and beyond that, and I don't care what anyone thinks of me if I don't want to do something that involves it!
You don't tell a person who's scared of rodents to go walk into a room where they cover the floor. You don't ask someone who you know is afraid of heights to go skydiving. You don't ask me to get behind a boat and get pulled at speed over water.
...Or pet a spider, either.
...Damn. I didn't really mean for this to be turned into a rant about that.
Ah well.
