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Aug. 10th, 2006 11:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magedragonfireBleh. Got two of my ten fillings done today. It didn't go that badly - didn't feel the needle, which the dentist had assured me was the worst part (the worst parts were actually the sound/smell of my teeth being drilled away and keeping my mouth open for so damn long). So they are now filled, and the bottoms of the teeth that he worked on feel fuzzy. Apparently this will go away when the teeth get reworn, but it feels really funky in the meantime.
Also, I got upset again for no reason last night. I don't know whether it was the stress/fear of the cavityfillings or what, but it was kinda terrible for a little bit.
I think part of the reason is that, even though I'm a ton and a half better than I used to be, I'm still terribly insecure. The worst part is that it's in a totally different area than it used to be. I used to deal with it by shutting out people - I didn't need them, could deal with everything by myself, and made myself terribly lonely... But at least I was decisive, knew what I wanted, etc. Now I'm not lonely, but I find myself needing more validation than I get, I'm terribly indecisive, and so on.
And it's the validation part that's the worst, because all I seem to do nowadays is worry endlessly whether anyone cares about me. I've never needed to know in the past - and hell, I've got major problems with letting it be known that I care about anyone - but lately it's just been gnawing at me. I don't know why.
...Geez. I need to stop being so damned negative and emo and such.
But wouldn't that just hinder whatever emotional breakthrough or whatever that I'm having? (OMG I'm female and have feelings or something???)
Or would it just make me stop sounding so damned whiny?
Iunno.
I should go to bed.
Also, I got upset again for no reason last night. I don't know whether it was the stress/fear of the cavityfillings or what, but it was kinda terrible for a little bit.
I think part of the reason is that, even though I'm a ton and a half better than I used to be, I'm still terribly insecure. The worst part is that it's in a totally different area than it used to be. I used to deal with it by shutting out people - I didn't need them, could deal with everything by myself, and made myself terribly lonely... But at least I was decisive, knew what I wanted, etc. Now I'm not lonely, but I find myself needing more validation than I get, I'm terribly indecisive, and so on.
And it's the validation part that's the worst, because all I seem to do nowadays is worry endlessly whether anyone cares about me. I've never needed to know in the past - and hell, I've got major problems with letting it be known that I care about anyone - but lately it's just been gnawing at me. I don't know why.
...Geez. I need to stop being so damned negative and emo and such.
But wouldn't that just hinder whatever emotional breakthrough or whatever that I'm having? (OMG I'm female and have feelings or something???)
Or would it just make me stop sounding so damned whiny?
Iunno.
I should go to bed.
