A critique.
Nov. 9th, 2006 08:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magedragonfireSo I was reading through an old Weyr I used to play in, and discovered a dragon colour that hadn't been there previously. Now, the gods know that some of the colours I've created have been odd or frivolous, but hey, at least they usually had a reason for being what they were.
Now, the style of writing behind this thing inherently makes me think I know exactly who wrote it... An egotistical little snot, whom somehow thinks that being a bitch all of the time is attractive. She and a friend of her (much the same the two of them were) were the reason I stopped playing in the Weyr; after constant drama-llamaing and bitchfits about the results of mating flights, I had enough. Their characters were not particularly the most realistic, nor especially well-played. Mostly, they were just there to flounce around and pretend at love-lives.
But! C, lovely C, apparently stayed on.
My comments in italics!
Meil (mee-AE-ll)
Honey, firstly, if you were looking for the French word for 'honey', it's 'miel'. Secondly, there aren't enough syllables to give it that pronounciation you give there.
With hides of dark honey gold, at an early age these hatchlings are often categorized as Golds.
Well, understandably. Dragon colouring can vary greatly between dragons - you can easily have pale yellow golds, or 'dark honey' ones. Why exactly did you go creating a new colour that's... basically just the same as an old one?
However, as they grow, their size proves a good quarter dragon-length longer at least,
Ah, right, because they're 'special' golds.
and their color takes on a different tint almost in a shade of coffee and cream, still highlighted that bright honey gold in the sun.
...So they look like a golden barf dragon?
This, and the tendency towards a very different set of personality traits, started setting the color aside as they passed the first Turn. Meils are brash, bold, and indefinitely commanding.
Sounds like what an normal gold should be, to me.
They assume they’ll receive unwavering respect, and unrelenting loyalty. Such considerations are easily labeled as egotistical,
Are egotistical, you mean. In fact...
however Meils do actually serve as excellent leaders, with a keen sense of judgment and an innate knack for appropriate placement. Despite a self-centered bit of mind,
They're getting to sound a lot like you, honey!
they really are naturally inclined to tie others together.
With duct tape? Or did you mean something coherant?
In the true tradition of a queen, Meils are thought to have actually mutated directly from their Golden mothers to better serve a newer generation of dragon.
As they sound pretty much like their 'Golden mothers' except for even more broody, cow-like behavior, I fail to see the evolution.
Differences also seem to include a heightened sensitivity to Flight, easily lead to Fly; theories have developed to explain this added trait as one intended to sooth over Weyr problems, and keep the line of leadership fresh.
Or to keep your own thirst for HAWT DRAGON SECKS in check.
As to their Impressed, they often find girls who share much the same traits of personality, along with a sharp sense of ambition paired with quick problem solving.
...You, minus the problem solving. Giving yourself pats on the back, are we, dearie?
They clutch once every five turns whether they Fly between the period or not, like clockwork, and lay anywhere from 6 to 27 eggs. Oh, and also they kick asal. So. There you have it.
And asal is not a Pernese swear-word, no matter how many times you try to convince anyone else otherwise. So. There you have it, dearie.
Sigh, Pern. Sigh.
Now, the style of writing behind this thing inherently makes me think I know exactly who wrote it... An egotistical little snot, whom somehow thinks that being a bitch all of the time is attractive. She and a friend of her (much the same the two of them were) were the reason I stopped playing in the Weyr; after constant drama-llamaing and bitchfits about the results of mating flights, I had enough. Their characters were not particularly the most realistic, nor especially well-played. Mostly, they were just there to flounce around and pretend at love-lives.
But! C, lovely C, apparently stayed on.
My comments in italics!
Meil (mee-AE-ll)
Honey, firstly, if you were looking for the French word for 'honey', it's 'miel'. Secondly, there aren't enough syllables to give it that pronounciation you give there.
With hides of dark honey gold, at an early age these hatchlings are often categorized as Golds.
Well, understandably. Dragon colouring can vary greatly between dragons - you can easily have pale yellow golds, or 'dark honey' ones. Why exactly did you go creating a new colour that's... basically just the same as an old one?
However, as they grow, their size proves a good quarter dragon-length longer at least,
Ah, right, because they're 'special' golds.
and their color takes on a different tint almost in a shade of coffee and cream, still highlighted that bright honey gold in the sun.
...So they look like a golden barf dragon?
This, and the tendency towards a very different set of personality traits, started setting the color aside as they passed the first Turn. Meils are brash, bold, and indefinitely commanding.
Sounds like what an normal gold should be, to me.
They assume they’ll receive unwavering respect, and unrelenting loyalty. Such considerations are easily labeled as egotistical,
Are egotistical, you mean. In fact...
however Meils do actually serve as excellent leaders, with a keen sense of judgment and an innate knack for appropriate placement. Despite a self-centered bit of mind,
They're getting to sound a lot like you, honey!
they really are naturally inclined to tie others together.
With duct tape? Or did you mean something coherant?
In the true tradition of a queen, Meils are thought to have actually mutated directly from their Golden mothers to better serve a newer generation of dragon.
As they sound pretty much like their 'Golden mothers' except for even more broody, cow-like behavior, I fail to see the evolution.
Differences also seem to include a heightened sensitivity to Flight, easily lead to Fly; theories have developed to explain this added trait as one intended to sooth over Weyr problems, and keep the line of leadership fresh.
Or to keep your own thirst for HAWT DRAGON SECKS in check.
As to their Impressed, they often find girls who share much the same traits of personality, along with a sharp sense of ambition paired with quick problem solving.
...You, minus the problem solving. Giving yourself pats on the back, are we, dearie?
They clutch once every five turns whether they Fly between the period or not, like clockwork, and lay anywhere from 6 to 27 eggs. Oh, and also they kick asal. So. There you have it.
And asal is not a Pernese swear-word, no matter how many times you try to convince anyone else otherwise. So. There you have it, dearie.
Sigh, Pern. Sigh.
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 04:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-10 06:16 am (UTC)(Me, being too lazy to log out of RP accounts, hehe.)